


Unable to Think and Dying to Feel

by xXx_darknessmoon666_xXx



Category: Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy XIV, Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward - Fandom, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers - Fandom
Genre: Bits of Angst sprinkled in, Def takes place in Heavensward, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm in the middle of ShB and I love Ardbert so much, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slight spoilers probably, Soft Love, Spoilers, aaaaaaaa I love these two so much, tender love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29128971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXx_darknessmoon666_xXx/pseuds/xXx_darknessmoon666_xXx
Summary: "There wasn’t a lot that Sevastian knew about the other male, aside from what he announces loud and proud in the midst of battle. But if there was one thing that the Miqo’te had come to know for certain, it’s that when Ardbert tightens his grip on Sevastian like he’s doing now, it isn’t because he’s trying to prevent him from escaping, but rather because he desperately does not want the other to go."
Relationships: Ardbert & Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Ardbert/Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Unable to Think and Dying to Feel

‘ Investigate the disturbance they said, it won’t take that long, they said, ’ Sevastian scoffs under his breath, pushing twigs and branches alike out of his way, trying to find -- well... whatever this _“disturbance”_ was that he was told to search for. 

He found himself deep within the confines of the Bramble Patch, in the Eastern Shroud, and on a mission bestowed upon both him and Alphinaud, a young boy whom he’s grown closer to given recent times. Turns out there was a suspicious amount of activity as of recent and both men had been tasked with the pleasure of investigating. He tried to weasel his way out of it, really, suggesting that maybe it would be better for Thancred to go since he seemed unable to sit still for more than two minutes at a time. However such efforts were only shown in vain as by how the Miqo’te pulls leaves out of his hair when he’d rather be curled up at an inn with a cup of freshly brewed Chamomile Tea.

It’s rather sudden, how his vision is turned immediately dark ( even though it was in the middle of the night, this was far darker than before ) and the realization that it was a pair of hands cutting off his vision sent alarms ringing through the mage’s head. The initial thought was that it was Alphinaud coming back to report his findings, however these hands were far too big to be his friend’s… meaning it was someone else. Sevastian felt the panic course through his body as he stood there frozen in place -- curse him for letting his guard down so easily!

He can feel a hot breath on his neck, someone’s face getting much closer… just who was it?

_‘ Boo…! ’_

The grip on him is released and the Miqo’te quickly spins on a heel so that he may come face to face with his assailant.

‘ Surely you’re not that easy to sneak up on! Or was your guard down on purpose this time? ’ Laughter is sprinkled ‘pon the question, the brunet man trying his hardest not to fall over with hands on his knees for support.

Sevastian squints at the man, The Warrior of Darkness he called himself. However, his companions -- and now Sevastian -- knew him as Ardbert, a wanderer from another world, causing havoc in the Miqo’te’s own. The last few interactions between these two men have been in the presence of others where everyone is at each other’s throats. The Warriors of Darkness come to take the lives of primals in exchange to bring their world back, but little did each respective party know that a member from each side were meeting in the shadows, away from prying eyes and behind closed doors. Somehow in some way, along the road that Sevastian was destined to walk, he found himself crossed with another’s own, and from that the blooming of an odd relationship had begun. 

The young Miqo’te scoffs under his breath and pinches his temple with a forefinger and thumb whilst shaking his head, ‘ Of course… of course you’re the one that causing a disturbance here, ’ thin line between lips crease into an ever prominent frown, narrowed eyes staring down the other from behind a pricey looking pair of glasses.

‘ What? Are you not happy to see me? ’ There’s a grin on the other man’s face as he takes a step closer, knowing full well that Sevastian will not retreat.

And would you look at that? He’s right.

‘ I must say that I’m surprised to find you out here, but I’m not disappointed, ’ weapon remains undrawn as the man closes the gap between the two, placing a gloved hand upon the shorter’s shoulder, ‘ You know you really are quite loud, your team should start reconsidering on who they send out for reconnaissance, ’ there’s a playful laughter in his words and it causes Sevastian’s breath to catch in his throat, especially considering with how close they are to one another. 

‘ Well, I’d be lying if I said I’d rather be caught by someone else right now, ’ Sevastian confesses as he’s slowly lead backwards until his backside is pressed up against the base of a large, overgrown tree, ‘ Truth be told I’d rather not be on this mission either - I had a book with my name on it by my bedside, ’ there’s a bit of subtle annoyance in his voice as he speaks, yet it’s soon contradicted by the smile that forms on his lips, ‘ … Yet this is now proving to be much more fun than what I had initially planned. ’

The male’s gloved hand remains at rest upon the other’s shoulder, while the other is balled into a fist. Not only was it pressed into the tree trunk to support his stature, but to also entrap Sevastian as well. Head craned to look down at the shorter male, it’s hard to ignore the pining that’s burning bright within the Midlander’s gaze. Whenever these two were together, there was a spark between them, be it on the battlefield or surrounded by foliage like this tucked away from the general eye. It was hard to ignore at first, that feeling deep within him, that voice that caused him to act in the way that he did. The minute that one of them gave into such desires, the other was sure to follow.

‘ Do you like it? ’ Ardbert inquires, voice in a low hush, quiet so only Sevastian may hear his words, ‘ -- Meeting up like this in secrecy? Behind everyone’s backs. ’

That low tone of voice sent several shivers down his spine and the roughness in that tone that came with being hushed sent jolts of electricity through his body. Surely if he were to touch the other now, he would feel that jolt as well.

‘ If I said I hated it, I’d be lying, ’ he can feel his tail curl when he speaks, pointed tooth peeking out from his smile. He can feel himself supported by the tree in front of him, yet Sevastian would much rather be sinking into the other’s warm embrace right about now. Such conflicting emotions confuse him, he’s been told to brand the other as an enemy, thwart all attempts at ensuring the other’s see their plan to the end. Yet even so, why does Sevastian crave more and more moments like this one? Where Ardbert is inching his face closer and closer to the Miqo’te’s, the taboo of wanting something they both couldn’t have now consuming their bodies as a whole.

‘ What about you? ’ Sevastian asks, causing the other to halt in his movements, ‘ Do you like it just as much as I do? ’

There wasn’t a lot that Sevastian knew about the other male, aside from what he announces loud and proud in the midst of battle. But if there was one thing that the Miqo’te had come to know for certain, it’s that when Ardbert tightens his grip on Sevastian like he’s doing now, it isn’t because he’s trying to prevent him from escaping, but rather because he desperately does not want the other to go.

‘ If I could take you back with me right now, without there being any consequence to either of us… I would, ’ a voice so usually solid and full of confidence now sounds shaken-- and it causes Sevastian to grip the other male’s arm in a bout of reassurance.

When he looks up at Ardbert, he sees -- worry in his eyes, something he had not quite seen before with the other. Usually so full of passion and a drive that could blow through all of Eorzea now stripped down to the core uncertainty that lies beneath. Sevastian takes the hand that is gripping him and brings it up to his cheek, so that the other may caress him in a more meaningful fashion. As a thumb carefully traces over the other’s flesh, he wonders just what is going through that head of his and just what had happened in his past that made him the way he is today. It’s like an untold story just out of reach and no matter how desperately Sevastian tries to grasp it -- he cannot.

‘ They could find us at any second, ’ Sevastian speaks, voice now a whisper, whilst eyes become half lidded.

‘ Let them, ’ Ardbert replies, closing the distance between their mouths.

There’s a sharp intake of air through nostrils as their lips collide in the uncertainty of that night. Ardbert’s gloved hand caresses his companion’s face while the other is now brought down to rest on his side. He presses his body into Sevastian’s while said Miqo’te’s backside is supported by the tree behind him. It’s tough not to lose himself in the moment, but Sevastian finds his eyes closing, and soon he begins slipping away into the bliss that he found himself craving more with each passing night.

There’s a small break to catch breath before they reconnect and Sevastian is once again reminded of how the other feels on his own lips. The taste that seems to overwhelm when he parts his own to allow the other an entry -- my, how he cherishes the warm sensation and the almost “needy” way that Ardbert grabs him when being ravished like this. The feel of once chapped lips ‘pon his own, ones that have had teeth sunken into out of nervousness or anger he cannot tell. It’s a taste of bitter mixed with sweet - like a decadent fruit that has long since been forbidden, denied to him countless times by Hydaelyn herself.

The next moment they part is when Ardbert hungrily pulls at the collar of the other’s top garment, exposing the pale flesh of Sevastian’s neck, only to place his lips down and kiss gingerly. He teases the area before allowing teeth to briefly sink in, causing the most miniscule of sounds to creep past the Miqo’te’s lips. It’s a sound Ardbert never gets tired of hearing -- and he wants to hear it more, many more times tonight before they’re forced to part ways once again.

‘ Please… Ardbert, ’ Sevastian finds himself melting into the other’s touch, pleads now dripping from his mouth like sweetened honey. He uses both hands to wrap around the other man’s waist, ensuring that neither of them are going anywhere anytime soon. He doesn’t understand why he’s begging however -- was it to stay? Was it to do more? He cannot remember like this, not when his mind is in such a hazy state…

‘ _Mmm,_ I haven’t the faintest idea of what magicks you are capable of--, ’ a low groan sounds from the man’s throat while tender lips give the now reddening neck a small break, ‘ --But you’re doing something to me Sevastian, something that I cannot quite explain. ’ Maybe it is the fact that he’s feeling again, feeling something he had long since tossed out years ago.

Mouth continues to attack the previous spot once more, only breaking when the brunet needs to speak.

‘ I _need_ you, ’ kiss, ‘ I _want_ you, ’ another, ‘ Stay with me -- ’ He pauses, allowing his head to rest upon the other’s shoulder, ‘ -- Just stay with me like this, here _forever…_ frozen in time. ’

Sevastian can feel his heart quicken in pace and then leap right into his throat. The grip on the warrior tightens and he can’t help but bring that hypnotic gaze to meet his own. Sevastian may be a Black Mage, but the man before him now was putting him under a spell that was unlike anything he had ever attempted nor experienced before.

‘ You are… ’ the Miqo’te begins, ears twitching whilst tail wraps around the man’s leg, ‘ _So…_ so very handsome, ’ words seem to leave him for the time being, once again getting lost in pools of blue. A color so vibrant he could drown in them - and it would be a death so lovely.

‘ I want -- you, and… to stay here with you like this, ’ He stumbles upon words, not used to having his walls guarding him torn down like this, the ones that he had erected to keep others out. It had been years since he had been honest with another person, let alone himself; and the feeling that he was experiencing now was… freeing, liberating, ‘ If I could I would go with you right now and leave it all behind, I would… believe me. ’

The Warrior of Darkness feels a rift opening in his chest, causing whatever in there that lies beneath to beat quicker than ever before, ‘ And I, you, ’ he swallows dryly almost in pain, those whispered words that leave his lips filled so full to the brim with the need of a promise --- rather, hope, ‘ I came here expecting to find a solution to… to everything. But you, you-- it’s so hard to think when I see you, when I’m _with_ you. ’

‘ Then don’t, ’ he shakes his head in response and bated breath is the only other sound that can be heard aside from their voices, ‘ Stop thinking… stop worrying and just--- _feel._ ’

The man who had once posed such a great threat to Sevastian and his team now finds himself offering gentle, warm laughter with a gaze just as welcoming. He takes his time in removing the other’s glasses before slipping them into his pocket, allowing appendages to soon meet once more.

The pair end up staying as they are for quite some time, embracing one another and giving an affection that has long since been sought after. The way they both exchange wordless feelings through action alone had become less feverish and more sentimental, as if they were taking the time to make every moment count. Hoping that hours from now, when they are apart, this feeling may linger with them long afterwards. There was no rush in attempting to tear the garments off of one another -- not when such a thought was the furthest thing from either of their minds. Mayhaps it’s the pain of hearts torn asunder and carelessly stitched back together that keeps them here in this way, in each other’s arms beneath the tall Gridanian trees that loom over them both, as if watching them; protecting them. 

Nay, as the seeds of chaos are sown unto the world by Ascians, the two men find a different seed to plant within each other’s being. One that blooms into the most beautiful flower nurtured by the warmth that they give one another, something so mesmerizing and radiant.

‘ Sevastian… ? Sevastian are you here? ’ An all too familiar voice calls out from the distance, snapping the two men out of the trance they put themselves in; and the immediate loss of warmth that Sevastian feels upon his now chapped lips begins to tug at his heart strings. The reality of the situation and where they are right now begin to once again set in.

‘ Go, ’ Ardbert says to him, words saying one thing but tone of voice pleading otherwise, ‘ You’re being sought after and our time here is at an end now. I’m sure that I’ve been gone a suspiciously long time now as well. We should both be getting back. ’

The Warrior of Darkness hesitates, but soon releases the Miqo’te from his grasp and takes a step away, allowing him to leave of his own accord. And yet without a second thought, Sevastian is quick to grab his hand once more, causing a look of surprise to be strewn across not only Ardbert’s, but Sevastian’s own features as well.

‘ I -- ’ The mage begins to say, cheeks still resembling the color of faded rose, noticeable even in the darkest of nights such as this. _I want to see you again,_ he desires to say. Or maybe, _can we see each other soon?_ Both questions sounding needy in nature, something that the true Sevastian Moon wants to speak forth, and yet…

‘ Two nights from this one, I will be taking a personal day to -- ‘

‘ -- A _personal_ day? ’ He is cut off with short laughter, ‘ Do they really allow the Warrior of Light to …? ’

‘ I’m not as important to them all as you think I am, ’ such a confirming statement, though upsetting in nature causes the brunet to stop mid sentence, mouth only slightly ajar as the slightest hints of a pain sting at his already wounded heart. Sevastian, with the look of vulnerability in his eyes ( something that not many are used to seeing ), uses this moment to continue, to do something he is far less used to doing.

‘ I will be staying in Tailfeather, in the Dravanian Forelands for one day and two nights. Rather, I’ll be located right outside, but in that vicinity nonetheless. When the sun begins to set I will wait just outside the entrance, if I happen to see you, fantastic. If I don’t -- then… ‘ He trails off, not knowing where to go from there. He wants to beg him to come, but knows deep down that if he wants something that bad, or wishes for something that hard, it will be denied to him - just like everything else.

‘ Sevastian … ? ’ His name once again causes his ears to twitch as the voice approaches much closer than before, the worry in Alphinaud’s voice is devastatingly blatant.

The Miqo’te turns his head, and his body soon with it, ready to depart on that note if it weren’t for the other halting him in his tracks one final time.

‘ You said… one day and two nights, correct? ’ Ardbert inquires, voice full of thought, eyes searching the ground for answers that are still quite lost to him. When he brings his gaze up to meet Sevastian’s, there’s the small glimmer of hope within such a beautiful blue -- or so the Warrior of Light thinks.

‘ If I happen to meet you there _( and by the twelve he will do everything in his power to try and make it so ),_ I will not do it as Ardbert, Warrior of Darkness, but as a Stranger instead. Just… a Stranger meeting another Stranger by chance. ’

He’s at a loss for words, the beginnings of a meaning that lie underneath slowly unraveling itself.

‘ There you are, Sevastian! Have you been standing here all this time? Did you not hear me calling for you, or was my voice falling upon deaf ears this whole time? ’ The Miqo’te is quick to turn and face his fellow teammate ( yet that is an understatement, they’ve been through too much together to be referred to as such ), mouth opening as if to speak, yet the sound of words are nowhere to be found, ‘ Did you happen to find anything? ’

He quickly turns his head behind him, to where Ardbert was standing, only to find the space empty, the trees in that area mimicking every other one in Gridania. It’s as if what had transpired mere ilms away was but a fleeting memory, something that may have only happened in a dream. But it felt far too real to be considered as such -- he can still feel him on his lips.

‘ Wait… your glasses, did you lose them? ’ The question is sudden, and causes Sevastian’s heart to miss two consecutive beats ( or so it felt ).

Gloved hands reach up to gently touch his face, the fact that Ardbert had removed his glasses prior had slipped the very confines of his memory.

‘ Ah, the branches kept hitting me in the face, so I took them off for the time being… proved pointless however, since I’m blind without them, ’ he thinks aloud to himself, causing the younger to arch an eyebrow at his musings.

‘ All you… alright Sevastian? You seem quite … out of it, ’ the question of concern snaps the other back into reality, and with it, those walls of his are erected once more, reinforced.

‘ Whatever was here is long gone now, ’ Sevastian speaks, reaching into his pocket to fetch his glasses so that he may regain full use of his vision once again, ‘ Let’s head back, I’m terribly exhausted. ’

‘ Right, ’ Alphinaud agrees, watching as the other begins to head back immediately. There’s a bit of concern on his face, knowing that something had happened out here in the thick of the Gridanian woods, but he isn’t quite sure what -- and he doesn’t know whether or not he should pry. Instead he moves a bit faster to catch up with his friend, quickly matching his pace so that they may walk side by side.

‘ Alphinaud… ’ Sevastian begins, the beginnings of a question itching to make itself known. It provokes the one by his side to look up at him with concern.

‘ If possible, I’d like to take a day off soon. There’s been something on my mind recently and I think I need a day away from battle and adventuring… surely now while everything has died down a bit, it shouldn’t be a problem, no? ’

Some silence follows as Alphinaud mulls it over, the concern within him overgrowing as Sevastian speaks. Whatever it was that his friend was feeling, it was most definitely something that needed to be worked out in his solitude.

‘ I’m sure that can be arranged, ’ he answers, lips pulling themselves up into a small smile, ‘ Now would be as good a time as any, plus I think after all of your hard work, you’ve deserved a little rest now, don’t you think? ’ The comment warrants a smile from his friend - something that Sevastian has been doing more and more in recent times.

‘ Oh, and one more thing… ’ The Miqo’te then speaks, getting Alphinaud to raise his eyebrow one more time…

‘ I’m lacking quite a bit of attire for more _casual_ purposes, how likely is it that Tataru would be willing to help me out? ’

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaaaaaaaaa, I haven't written a fic in so long! Truthfully speaking, I haven't written ANYTHING in so long, but as I'm playing through Shadowbringers, I've been more than inspired as of late. And I'm oh so desperately in love with Ardbert and every cutscene that he is in.  
> Massive shoutout to @ooowyn on Twitter for using her Ardbert alt to run dungeons with me and help me fall more and more in love with him. I can't wait to commission artwork of my WoL and him... it'll be ... tastey.  
> But hey, I hope you all enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Thank you all and be kind to one another ♡


End file.
